Coaching Corner Series: Strong Language

"As I drove away from my CrossFit Level 1 Seminar, I knew I had found my calling." Tia Rodwell recalls the moment she solidified her dream of becoming a full-time coach. She and her husband had come to CrossFit a few years earlier, and deep down felt they wanted to open their own gym. "We knew we could create a positive and supportive environment for all skill levels. That’s how ODIN was born."  ODIN, the name of a mythological Norwegian god, is now also the downtown Frederick, Maryland gym owned by Tia and her husband Bobby.  

Tia entered the Army at age 17, which she credits with providing her a rewarding experience and important life skills she still employs today. Next, she entered the field of Higher Education Administration, where she worked with eager young students to help them reach their goals. She eventually began coaching part-time; this has become her full-time job since opening ODIN.  

Tia generously shares her words of wisdom on coaching women in this week's interview. 





FF: What type of language or characteristics do you observe from women who are not yet skilled at tackling a challenge? 

TR: Women who are lacking confidence remind the world and themselves of this fact all the time by the language they use. When complimented, they say, "Thanks, but....".  Or when asked to try something new they say, "I can't do that." Or, "I wish I could". They talk themselves out of things rather than talking themselves into doing things.

FF: What type of language or characteristics do you observe from women who are confident, or who have learned how to confront new challenges or cope with learning a new skill?

TR: Women who are ready to tackle a challenge will say things like, "I will do this.  I am not sure how, but I know I can." Or, "Let's give it a try!" Sometimes this seems to be the hardest part. Once a woman decides she will tackle a challenge, most likely she will do exactly that.

FF: How do you coach someone--especially women--to develop that attitude? Is it possible?

TR: It is totally possible! I focus a lot of my coaching time on doing exactly that.  When women believe they can do something, they almost always can do it. I believe that for women, their mind is the only thing holding them back, both at the gym and in life outside of the gym. In order to teach women to think this way, I find you have to remind them constantly. So, when someone says, "I can't lift that much weight!" I always make a point to reply with, "You are unable to lift that much weight at this point in time. Nothing is impossible." By constantly challenging the way people think, eventually their habits and patterns of thinking change. Once women get used to believing in themselves, the sky is the limit.

FF: Can you give an example of one or two women who you've witnessed transform from one end of the spectrum to the other?

TR: I often see small victories that completely change the way a woman thinks. For example, her first successful box jump, or the first time she is able to pick up the yoke or deadlift 200 pounds. Those are moments a woman may not have ever believed possible. But when she accomplished even one small task, she proved to  herself that the seemingly impossible can be conquered.

FF: What is your favorite part of coaching women? Least favorite?

 TR: My favorite part of coaching women is seeing them feel absolutely powerful.  Many women don't have that feeling often enough. But when a woman puts a barbell over her head, she feels powerful and untouchable. Seeing that never gets old.  

My least favorite is seeing how many women talk themselves out of doing things.  They seem to spend so much time and effort convincing themselves they can't do something, rather than working to do it.  Although this is my least favorite, it is also my favorite thing to help women overcome.

FF: How do skills learned in the gym translate to outside the gym?

TR: What happens in the gym absolutely transfers to the “real' world”. That powerful feeling I was talking about is so useful in other situations. Knowing you are able to do more than you ever imagined in the gym causes you to think, "If I can do THAT, what else can I do?" I often try to help women make that connection when they accomplish something in the gym. If someone gets their first-ever box jump, after celebrating with them for a minute I usually ask, "What else can you do?” And the answer is: “Anything!"

FF: If you could grab every woman by the shoulders (especially during a difficult session) and look them in the eyes, what would you tell them? What would you say to get them back in the game?

TR: “You are amazing. You are beautiful and wonderful and strong and amazing.  You can do anything in the world you want to do. You just have to believe in YOU!”

Tia currently resides in Frederick, Maryland with her husband Bobby and ten year old son Joseph.  You can find more information about Odin CrossFit at...

www.OdinCrossFit.com 

Future FearLess Females

“Be the woman I want my daughter to become.”

This is my mantra when it comes to raising my own future FearLess Female.

When I face a choice or challenge, I often ask myself, “What would you do if she were watching?”  If she were in my position, how would I advise her? 





I have learned so much along my own journey, and I wish to pass along to her all the knowledge, wisdom, and confidence possible.  

I will do my best to teach her that she is perfect just as she is.  On the one hand, she is unique and has her own special spirit, but she is also a member of the global community, which includes other unique souls following their own paths. 

I hope she stays true to herself and goes after what she wants, without concern for naysayers or what may appear to be limiting factors.  I want her to climb mountains, swim in the sea, write a book, do work she's passionate about, serve others, discover the world. ..and in the end, come home to her loving family.  

Oh, who am I trying to kid… I want to be right there alongside her!

Below, mothers share their wishes for their daughters--future FearLess Females-- and talk about how they create an environment to help make those dreams become reality. 

Lori Rypka

About three years ago, my shy daughter expressed an interest in martial arts. I took her to a studio owned by folks I know, so that she would be more comfortable. When she realized she would have to use her voice, she said she wasn't ready, and I respected that. 


A year later, she came to me on her own and said she wanted to try again. I took he,r and she let go of what she was afraid of and used her voice. I joined her, my son and eventually my husband in class. 

Since we started training over 2 years ago, she has blossomed into a more confident little girl who is more willing to face her fears. She is no longer worried about speaking up, and gives presentations in school with ease. She has also learned how to take constructive criticism without getting upset. 

It has been such a privilege to be a part of her journey in this. It hasn't always been easy! I couldn't be more proud of her!

Julie Havens

I picked the name "Riley" for my baby for a reason. "Riley" means "courageous” or “valiant", and it's those traits that I most wanted for her. I want her to never be afraid to stand up for herself, to speak up against injustice, and to care for herself and others. I want her to be a gladiator. However, words don't mean anything unless they're followed by action. I lead by example-- my daughter is too young right now to recognize the times when I show courage by standing up for different people and groups, or by helping others when I can, but one day she will.  She will grow up knowing how to do the right thing and help others, because that's what she'll see me do.

Tamijo Coleman

I have brought my daughter to watch me work out once in a while, so she could get some exposure to fitness. I've also showed her pictures and videos of me working out. I have many home videos of my old days playing sports in high school and college, plus the Deaf Olympics. I could see that my daughter wants to do that someday, herself. My hopes and wishes for my daughter are that she becomes a confident lady who is happy and content with what she is doing. I want her to live a healthy lifestyle filled with happiness. 

Nicole Morouse

Much of what my Husband and I teach our kids is based on our faith and what we believe in our hearts about God's love for us: that He created each of us for something incredibly unique.  It helps a great deal that my husband and I both believe that, about what God has made us to do. We both love our careers and feel that we were called to them, and to the journey of bringing up our family! 

I was unfortunately at one time involved in a very abusive relationship. Teaching my daughter personal value and self worth is very important to me. I also want to model that women are strong and can accomplish anything. CrossFit helps a lot with that! She loves watching me WOD (Workout of the Day) and I think she truly looks up to me because of how hard she sees me work at being healthy for myself and for our family.

Judi Rockhill

I think (hope) I teach my kids to think independently and to not follow the crowd.  That’s a hard thing to do in the teenage/middle school years.  It’s tough to teach them that a sweater or song or book they like is okay, even if their friends don’t like it.  Peer pressure is a tough barrier to get across.

One thing I do that I really enjoy is teach them to leave a positive impact on a daily basis.  For us that means a dinnertime ritual of sharing “What did you do for someone else today?” or “How did you leave a positive impact today?”  It encourages them to think about their behavior and realize their actions --even small ones--can make a difference to someone.

Sari Sheridan

I wish for my daughter to grow up to be a strong, independent woman, who understands that she does not need a man to make her feel worthy of love and affection. I wish for her to be confident in herself and walk through life with a sense of humility. 


I dream that she grows to be everything she aspires to be, and that she is motivated to achieve those goals. I dream that she is supportive of others and willing to give to those who need it the most. I hope that she does not pressure herself to win all the time, and that she will understand that it is okay to lose sometimes. I hope that no matter whether she wins or loses, she will do either with dignity and class. I hope that she is healthy, happy, and fulfilled. I hope that she laughs more than she cries, and she loves more than she hurts.

As her mother I will foster these wishes, dreams, and hopes by setting the example within myself. I will surround her with only those who will motivate her to be the best version of herself. I will encourage her to always believe in herself and to not let the doubts of others become hers. The unconditional Love and support from her parents will be the stepping stone to her becoming a “FearLess Female.”

From Vision to Reality

"No!" I exclaimed in horror as I watched my little iPhone screen.  "Don't do it, Kisha!"  I continued helplessly.

That shock quickly subsided to goosebumps as Kisha Hopwood gracefully slipped out of a (perfectly working) airplane.  The background music accompanying the video triggered that lump-in-the-throat feeling you get when you see someone do something awe-inspiring.  

She continued on to narrate her own experience to the Go Pro camera via American Sign Language.  She relayed the beauty of the view below in a way that only a visual language can do.  

Her face said the rest without a word--or sign.  You could watch as the joy and excitement transformed into a few moments of fear, and then quickly faded into a peaceful demeanor.  She recalls this as a moment she most definitely felt fearless. 

There naturally was anxiety leading up to her jump.  "You could die.  You hit the ground, and you're done.  You can't get your life back."  Her mind raced with fears of death--not to mention the fact that she cannot swim yet, and her dive was over the beach of Ocean City, Maryland.  However, once the realization hit that she was indeed very much still alive, she allowed the moment to fully sink in.  She stared death in the face and not only survived, but actually enjoyed it.

This experience exceeded any risks she had taken before.  And like many FFs I meet, after conquering this feat, her mind became open to even greater challenges, with an "if I can do this, what else can I do?" mentality.

Not long before this, I also watched videos and pictures of Kisha embarking on her first solo European trip.  For her, this also represented a challenge she had hoped to overcome. Although less death-defying, it was still a goal she had set to test her abilities and expand her horizons.  

Tired of the same old boring routine, she made the last-minute decision to set off on a grand adventure.  Much to her family's shock, she didn't even tell them until the day before she left.  Her travels took her to London, Paris, and Amsterdam.  Being Deaf in America has its own set of challenges, but navigating foreign languages added a whole new layer of complexity.

Kisha recounts this trip as being full of mixed emotions; but in hindsight, it was an overwhelmingly positive experience.  She encountered a diverse group of new friends with completely different perspectives and cultures.  It opened her mind even wider than before, to the possibility of approaching life differently.

Not only did she interact with great, new people, she also allowed herself to get lost.  Being without a schedule or itinerary was a bit disorienting at first, but served as an opportunity to simply follow her intuition and see where it led.  Kisha confided that she wouldn't mind being lost on an island for a future challenge.

In between ambitious adventures, she enjoys all things outdoors: hiking, biking, and climbing anything that allows her a great view. 

On tap for upcoming ventures are traveling to Africa and Brazil, white water rafting, riding an ATV, and even possibly writing a book.  Or perhaps you'll even find her zenned out in Bali.




You may be thinking that Hopwood must be unusually lucky, but she will tell you that she believes most of her activities were predestined. 

In 2006, Rhonda Byrne popularized the already-established Law of Attraction in her best-selling book The Secret.  The text outlines the process of a "vision board", in which you collage pictures and words that represent your aspirations.  The key is to maintain these images as a visual affirmation until they materialize.  

Kisha constructed her own montage of dreams and goals, which included skydiving and traveling.  One by one, she ticks off these fantasies turned reality--So much so that she is currently considering ideas for her next board.

She also attributes her newfound lease on life to many spiritual and inspirational books, speakers, and events in addition to The Secret.  But it could easily be argued that Kisha was already a free spirit--just in need of an extra nudge to realize her true nature.

She shared one experience from when she was nine years old, in which her mother drove her to the airport and sent her--alone and confused--to stay in Jamaica for two months with a friend.  Hopwood's family history runs deep into the island, but she grew up in Florida with her single mother and two older brothers.  Her mother later enlightened her to the purpose of this trip, but at the time, Kisha just went with the flow.  She innocently braved her way through what many considered dangerous neighborhoods, wandering from place to place by herself and befriending the local people along the way. This became the first of three such trips, during which she learned a bit more about herself and life each time.  Bolstered by the support of her mother, she also employed her own natural tendencies toward confidence, independence, and fearlessness to make her way. 

Similarly, her mother also brought her to Gallaudet University as a teenager and declared that Kisha would attend after high school.  Gallaudet is a Deaf university in Washington, DC which is a sizable distance from her closest family in Atlanta and Florida.  She nonchalantly thought 'Whatever, mom.  We'll see.'  Sure enough, that's what happened.  Hopwood was, once again, on her own.  But this time, she was equipped with the skills from past experiences to fend for herself.   

The same characteristics that guided her then, still make her a compelling person to be around.  She is confident, determined, friendly, down-to-earth, out-going, laid-back--and also a bit stubborn.  She wears proudly the label her mother once gave her of "go getter".  She also possesses an understated charm, which is evident in her warm smile and easygoing attitude.


Kisha may be easygoing when it comes to personal style, but she has a strong message for fellow females facing fears of their own. Here is some advice, in her own words: 
  

"If you don't like your life now--the same old routine over and over again--redesign it.  You don't want to look back on your life filled with regret for the things you didn't do.  You cannot predict the future, so why not seize the moment now?”  

“Make sure you become comfortable outside your comfort zone.  It may be awkward at first, but eventually you will become used to it.  You never know how something will turn out—good or bad--until you try it.”

“Recognize your negative self-talk and begin to practice positive affirmations.”

“Don't let the news (reports) and other (people) inflict fear on you.  Don't let society get in your way.  You control you.”

“Make a list of your fears, and (then) confront them, one by one.  As you overcome them, release them.  You never know where they may lead you.  With each success, your confidence will grow stronger and stronger."

Kisha Hopwood is living proof that if you can release the fear, take control of your life, and confront your self-imposed limits, you can transform almost any vision into a reality.

Kisha currently resides in the suburbs of Washington, DC, and works for the federal government.  After Gallaudet, she continued to earn an advanced degree at Trinity University - also in DC.

Strangers With Candy

When I was little, my parents were constantly afraid I would walk off with some random person.  I talked to anyone and everyone who would listen.  Fear of strangers has never been an issue for me.  I attribute some of this to being an only child, some to being a Leo, and a lot to just loving to talk.

Motovun, Croatia with a travel group I met online

You may be thinking 'I don't have a fear of strangers.  I don't need a pep talk on this topic.'  But I would argue, maybe you do.

Since I enjoy sharing my adventures, I inevitably get the response, "Are you crazy?  Aren't you afraid?  You just met that person!"  People often brush me off when I reply that I've had about 95% positive interactions with strangers. Of course, I run into the not-so-nice, grumpy, and somewhat creepy population, but they are far outweighed by the beautiful new friends and unexpected paths I encounter.

Jess, our 3rd FF, the first time we
worked out together.

Charity, our 1st FF, & I met via an
online journaling website
over 10 years ago.

If I have any fear, it's that my friends are not open to the same opportunities, due to their suspicion toward strangers. 

I feel everyone has a story--something to share.  Sometimes, it's simply a brief exchange while standing in line, letting me know of a new restaurant to try.  Other times, it's the passenger next to me on a bus who informs me of a hidden gem I must visit.  But most often, it's the random soul I cross paths with, who shares hours of their life and insights during our time together.  I value each of them and all the energy they pour into our interactions.  I may not even know their names, but their energy leaves an imprint on me, making me feel that I’m a part of their story, as they are of mine.

Kotor crawl

Recently I had the good fortune to vacation in the Balkans: Slovenia, Croatia, and Montenegro.  Midway through my trip, I made what felt like a split-second decision to veer off from my group to stay along the coast.  This meant I'd be solo--

which is not uncommon for me, just unexpected on this particular trip.  As my original group was departing, a young woman happened through the hostel lobby.  Based on a gut feeling, I befriended her quickly.  She just seemed likable.  Luckily enough, I was right.  We bummed around Kotor all day as we shared stories.  Turns out, she was in the midst of several months of backpacking throughout the region.  Not only did we reveal our lives and adventures to each other, we also carried on into the night, laughing so hard it hurt and bumping into even more new friends.

It was a stunt beer.  I swear.

People are good.  I have been the recipient of countless acts of generosity.  Sadly, when I share these experiences with friends, they ask skeptically, "But why would they do that for you?  They don't know you."  Because people are good.  We, as a society, have become so leery of outsiders, it's disheartening.  What happened to people just being nice for the sake of being nice?  When did we lose faith in that?  And if you truly believe this distrust is justified, then why not be a part of the solution?

I regularly Couch Surf when I travel.  This means I use an online network of people who volunteer their couch, spare room, or air mattress to other travelers.  This is all completely free.  The network can also be used to find company--people to just hang out with.  In this way, I am able to stay with a local who has insight into the location, and it is obviously cost effective. 

Hanging out with our Quebec host.

When I share this system with friends, they are shocked that anyone would do such a thing.  "Why?!" they ask.  Everyone has different reasons for participating, but in my opinion, it’s predominantly because they are generous and want to share.  People find this so difficult to comprehend, but it's not.  It's just that simple.  I've been the recipient and giver of this arrangement countless times.

First Couch host in Brussels.

My host in Amsterdam.

My first experience with Couch Surfing was in Brussels, Belgium.  I nervously made contact with a single woman living on the outskirts of the city, and she so kindly offered her sofa bed for my stay.  When I arrived, we immediately hugged and chatted as if we had known one another for months.  After I showered, she invited me to a friend's birthday party at a local pub that same night, where she introduced me to a myriad of other new people.  The next morning, as I adjusted to the time difference, she left and returned with a table full of pastries for breakfast.  To some, this may seem extremely odd, but I have experienced it multiple times in so many wonderful ways.

Bali

Many of my encounters with strangers lead me on adventures I most likely would not have taken otherwise.  I innocently asked a single woman in Bali to walk through a monkey forest with me because I was afraid to go alone.  By the end, we had decided to eat dinner together. Eventually, we ventured to an island I had never heard of, where we rented a bungalow on the beach.  If we had not met, I probably would have stuck to a fairly conservative route ‘til the end of my trip.  In contrast, I ended up at a breathtakingly beautiful beach in a remote part of the country --not to mention I gained a lovely new friend.

Santa Cruz spontaneity

While in San Jose, California for business, I used the Couch Surfing website to see if anyone just wanted to meet up.  A young guy kindly responded that we could go hiking on my afternoon off.  We spent hours talking and hiking.  I innocently mentioned, "I built in an extra day in the area,” and asked, “Would you recommend I see San Francisco or Santa Cruz?"  He answered, "Well, my favorite is Santa Cruz."  To which I replied with a grin, "When do we leave?"  He knew of a $5 bus that made the half-hour trip daily.  The hotel I secured was laughable, but the experience was priceless.  I made a good-hearted attempt at a bar crawl, and we strolled the boardwalk the next morning to the accompaniment of the howling sea lions.  We slid back into home with enough time to get him to work and me to my flight.

I accepted an impromptu invite to meet 3 of my favorite bloggers.

As you can obviously see, I have good, old-fashioned fun with strangers.  The joy I experience with all these like-minded souls is uplifting, reinvigorating, life affirming, and serves to remind you of the goodness in the world.  It's truly medicine for the spirit.  

The next time you're standing beside someone on the elevator or waiting next to someone at the mechanic or near a person eating alone at a restaurant, find your "in".  Strike up a conversation.  Share a kind word.  Smile.  Look them in the eyes.  Know that we are all human, and we’re in this game of life together.  A world of new friends awaits.  

Hostel lobby

What once was a worrisome trait in my parents’ eyes has now become one of my best qualities, I believe.  My receptiveness to strangers has opened doors to generosity, new ventures, and downright amazing moments.  

I could go on and on, but now it's your turn.  Go out and create some tales of your own.  Try just a few days of extending yourself to others, and see where it leads you.  With luck, it won't be to anyplace you expected.